When I see some people I feel the urge to slap them across the face with a big wet fish. Why? Because they need it. They really do. I see it in their eyes. They have that weird zombie look invoked by reading celebrity magazines. Their lives are colourless - just a serious of dull trips between home, work and an overpriced gym, before the calendar is turned over and another mortgage payment made. They’re fucking everywhere and they fucking-well need to be fish-slapped.
The GPO stands ready, proudly clutching a slimy oversized salmon. We don’t care if it gets little scaley bits in their earrings or if the fins get all tangled up in their iPods. We don’t care if it pisses them off. It needs to be done.
By now you’re probably starting to get the idea, and you are probably starting to get bored of that whole fish-slapping metaphor. So here it is. We are the Guerrilla Poetry Organisation. We’re not here to stop the slaughter of whales, end famine in Africa or cure cancer. There are other groups for that… and all of them suck. I mean really, I just want to walk down the street without some over-eager backpacker trying to sign me up for a sponsor child in Sudan. Is that too much to ask?
Anyway, our weapon is poetry. Now I know what you’re thinking. You’re thinking that’s a crap weapon because poetry is crap. But the fact is you’ve probably only ever read poetry written by complete and utter wankers. Miserable poems, that ramble on and on about some bullshit that no one could ever decipher or give a toss about.
Our army of poet warriors write a different type of poetry - poems that can best be described as totally ace and wicked. There are sensitive girly poems, angry poems, weird poems and sexy poems with like awesome legs, beautiful long brown hair and these breasts that you just want to rub your… um… sorry… what was I talking about? Oh yeah, the poems. They’re fucking good is what I’m basically saying.
We do other stuff too and it’s way awesome. But really, how long should a manifesto be? I’m starting to get bored of writing now and you are doing really well to get down this far on the page. So let’s sum it up.
We are the Guerrilla Poetry Organisation and With Words We Will Win!